I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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