pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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