I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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