That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
