hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
