The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize