Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
