I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
