ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
