Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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