he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
