At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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