I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
