So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
