I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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