hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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