Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
