I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
