jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
