i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
