That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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