Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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