I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
