this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize