hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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