Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
