Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my shit smells like andre
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
