i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
