I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
