i'm signing you up for texting rehab
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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