i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
