I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
