This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's never too late to be topless.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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