9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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