what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
