WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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