I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
