I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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