i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
