I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
