Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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