I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When are your genitals available?
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
