Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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