my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
