I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
