His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
