Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
