i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
