Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Randomize