I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
