Me too!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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