When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
