last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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