I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She said her name was "party"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
