how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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