so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
