Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
