but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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