moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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