Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
