i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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