I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
