All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
