Did you just see the Batmobile???
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
