Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and she was petting her beer can
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
