Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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