he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
