"it" just moved
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Terrible idea I love it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
