I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
