While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize