Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
